Parenting from a child's perspective

When Chip was around 2, we started to play a game. Role reversal. He would be Aie and I would be Chip. I would whine and ask silly questions and make demands and he would, well, imitate my reponses. What started as a way to pass time on long car rides and hot summer afternoons, soon turned to be much more than a game. It became a tool of insight for my parenting skills. Through his accurate portrayal of Aie on all occasions – everyday demands for candy and juice and other junk food, excuses for not going to a certain place/doing certain things, explanation for beyond-his-age questions, it all became an appraisal of sorts. How was I doing as a mother? We played the game every week and Chip’s imitation stayed true to my parenting in that week. Harried weeks were more of a “do-as-I say” while the relaxed ones were full of explanations and consolations.

This little game of role reversal came to my mind when I read this book recently. Called “Out of the mouth of babes” it is written by Dyan Eybergen – a pediatric psych nurse, a therapist and a parent educator and a mother to three sons. In one of the chapters, she advocates playing a role-reversal game to gain insight. I was thrilled to see it.

Chip is a spirited child, and sometimes he challenges me to rise above my comfort level and seek solutions that will work for me and for him. This book offers an approach that is tailored to each child’s unique personality. It shows us how to understand our children. There are no formulas here in this book – because there really can’t be any formulas for raising children. It puts us in our children’s shoes and shows us the world from their side. Through anecdotes of 3 and 4 years olds while their parents tried to get them to sleep in their own beds, to fussy eating habits to toilet training to sibling rivalry and discipline it reminds us of how perceptive and sensitive these little boys and girls can be.

The book was a pleasant surprise. If you believe in attachment parenting like I do and are wondering how exactly to fit those values with your toddlers and pre-schoolers, this book will be valuable. My only problem with the book was that it was too short (124 pages). There is enough material in this book for a 100 more pages easily. I do hope Eybergen continues to write more and give us her insights into parenting. Parenting can feel like such a daunting task at times, books like these help in keeping those worries at bay.

The Shadow Of The Wind

Summary
How do you summarize a novel that’s a mystery, a supernatural thriller, a love story, a coming-of-age story all bundled up in 500 pages? Politics, love, books, loss and life all come together in this slightly melodramatic but enthralling debut by Zafon. Set in Barcelona in 1945, just after the Civil war, the book follows the protagonist Daniel; from the day he walks with his father to the Cemetery of Forgotten Books and picks the eponymously titled book written by one Julian Carax. We follow Daniel as his life (and others’ too) is forever changed by this choice as he attempts to solve a mystery surrounding the Carax book.

What worked for me
The meta theme. A book about a book, a mystery about the mystery. The power of books, how they shape our lives. I also liked the locale. I have a thing for exotic locales. Its arm chair travel. Here I saw Barcelona so closely that when I drove to work, I thought I just needed to make a turn here and I would reach Calla Ana and sit at a café and order coffee and sponge fingers. I am also learning Spanish these days, so a novel set in Spain was bit of a thrill. The era also worked for me. Early to mid-century. The quaint customs, the strange ways. The book is rich. Like a tapestry. Plots and characters weave in and out, all giving their (flawed) versions of a story, or rather the mystery that forms the backbone of the narrative.

It’s verbose, yes and every minor character is painted in detail and I found asking myself why I was not bored by it. Perhaps it’s the tight rein that Zafon holds, never letting the words fall completely overboard (this is exactly what I thought after reading Kiran Desai’s The Inheritance of Loss, she has a tight rein there too). Why did I feel invested in these characters so much that it mattered to me which church the governess of a character attended. Perhaps it’s the language - the book is originally in Spanish and is translated by Lucia Graves, who I must say has done a terrific job of translating the lyrical, almost epic language of the book. Or perhaps it was the mystery itself and I looked for clues in the most unexpected places, asking myself, will this matter how the mystery is solved? Will the mystery be even solved?

The book is a wild roller coaster ride that will give you butterflies in your stomach, that will take you on hairpin curves and to great heights only to drop you and turn you upside down until you scream – in delight or in terror (or both) – finally coming to a stop. All the while hoping and praying the end is not disappointing. When a book takes you on a ride like this, the only thing you fear is being disappointed in the end. But the book ends on an agreeable note. And it comes to a full circle and you all know how I fall for things like that.

What did not work for me
The mystery is not the best mystery in the world. I solved most of it. What also did not quite work for me were the supernatural horror elements in the book. They add to the atmosphere, yes, but they kept me awake a whole night. I don’t like horror. I don’t like to be scared (and yes, I scare easy).

Hot or drop
Totally hot. This is Hitchcock on steroids. It’s an unputdownable book. Don’t miss this one. Also, a question -if you were to pick a book that would change your life in a literal, day-to-day events way, which one would it be?

Sunlight on a broken column

Summary
Set in colonial India of the late 30s, Sunlight on a broken column by Attia Hosain paints a picture of a traditional, purdah-observing upper crust Muslim family in Lucknow. Narrated by the protagonist, a 15-year old Laila (who does not observe purdah), born into a wealthy family of taluqdars, but orphaned at an early age, the narrative follows her through her teenage years and early twenties, in what is essentially a coming-of-age story during tumultuous times of a freedom struggle and partition.

What worked for me
The language, the pace. It’s not a large book – it’s about 300 pages, more like a novella than a novel, yet it manages to maintain that there-is-all-the-time-in-the-world-for-this-story kind of pace. The language is lilting, almost poetic, and has the grandeur of Urdu in it. Not for a minute do you feel, that the subject matter could have been better expressed in Hindi or Urdu. This is not really a plot driven book, but the narrative evolves through its characters seen through Laila’s eyes. The book begins with a slice of life depiction and it does a fantastic job of looking at day-to-day life like a 15-year old. It reminded me of how I was when I was 15. Slightly self-centered, questioning, over-confident, highly distractible. Laila is all those things and it makes her an endearing protagonist. What I also enjoyed is the depiction of wealthy Muslims – their customs and traditions all portrayed through every-day events. The books starts with Laila’s life – her dreams, her desires and then it slowly but deliberately weaves a thick mesh of love, ambition and most importantly of a way of life that soon must become extinct. In that it evokes the same nostalgia, a wistful longing, a lament of sorts really that resonates with Gone with the Wind.

What did not work for me
The end. I did not really like how Hosain chose to end the book. It ends on a positive note, but I got the feeling that it was all too-constructed.

Hot or Drop
Definitely hot. It’s putdownable – and I meant it in the very positive sense of the word. While you will not feel compelled to stay up nights to read this book, you will want to come back to it after a long day like you would want to meet a dear old friend – for the warmth, the comfort and the nostalgia.

An Absolute Scandal

Summary
In the early 1990s, about 1,500 (out of 34,000) Lloyds members (called Names) went bankrupt trying to pay asbestosis claims for companies that Lloyds insured. An Absolute Scandal is based on that event and takes a look at the lives of those affected by this unlimited, personal liability. Wealthy, upper-crust folks, find themselves being slowly stripped of their wealth as losses mount and they struggle, at first to keep appearances, then to maintain their lavish lifestyles and then in the end to just survive.

What worked for me
The English-English. The very Brit language was charming. I read the whole book in a faux-British accent (yes, it was exhausting) and that was fun. Almost like role playing.

What did not work for me
Pretty much everything else. I had never heard of Penny Vincenzi until I picked up this book. It is very long. 500+ pages. And frankly the subject matter does not warrant that. It takes many unwanted twists and turns that add nothing to the plot or to the characters. The plot itself is quite weak. Also the sheer number of characters are hard to keep track of. And a lot of them are romantically involved with people they are not supposed to. Too many tangled relationships to keep track off. I found myself skipping several pages and found it did not really affect the story, or rather my understanding of the story in anyway. The back cover has some review excerpts and I agree with the one that says, it is a soap. Yes, this is a soap in print. It really told me nothing about how Lloyds operates, it gave me a general, vague-ish idea about the ‘Names’ and syndicates but nothing more, really. Perhaps Vincenzi expects the reader she is targeting to know innards of Lloyds operations, but given the amount of fluff in this book, I doubt if that is the readership she is really trying to attract. I think someone like Grisham would have done true justice to the subject matter. There absolutely was no research in this book – it feels like Vincenzi just read the wiki page about Lloyds and tried to incorporate some of that information across 500+ pages. In the end, I did not understand what the book wanted to be. A whodunit? A romance novel? A historical fiction of sorts?

Hot or drop
I think drop. If you are looking for a romance novel, I am sure there are others that have more to offer than this mish-mash.

The Other Boleyn Girl

Summary
In this rather expansive book, Phillipa Gregory recounts the rise and fall of Anne Boleyn, the second wife of Henry VIII and mother of Queen Elizabeth I. Don’t let that faze you. The narrator of the book is Mary Boleyn, Anne’s sister and the king’s mistress. Its through her point of view, we get a rich glimpse of the power games at play in the 16th century English court. Almost like an inside scoop. The story of Anne Boleyn is very well known, so there is really no suspense, in terms of plot, because we all know how the story ends. Yet, Gregory manages to keep us on the edge of our seats. How did it happen? Who did it? The realpolitik of the court, the games to win the king’s favor, the spies, the wars, the diplomacy and the lack thereof and most of all the ambition spin the characters – Mary and Ann Boleyn, their brother George, the King and Queen Katherine, the courtiers, the bishops, the knights even the lowly chambermaids into a dizzying, enthralling tale.

What worked for me
The flow. The novel flows effortlessly. And is very well researched. Only if they had taught history like this in schools! The novel is also extensive in scope and while I winced at the 600+ pages before I started to read, I slowly realized that it couldn’t really be edited to something significantly smaller without sacrificing its pace. I liked the pace of the book. It starts with an execution (actually two) and ends with one. I fall for full-circle-themes like that.

From what seems a fairly routine and innocuous incident (well at least in the 16th century) of Mary Boleyn catching the King’s eye and becoming his mistress, the story unfurls the unbridled ambitions of the Boleyn family, who will literally play the field with their daughters, right under Queen Katherine’s nose. The queen’s quiet dignity and anguished struggle in response to the King’s whims and the Boleyn girls, her political acumen and astuteness, her defiance, all come alive with the character Gregory crafts. The characters are all multi-dimensional. Even the gentle, sweet Mary Boleyn has a dark side to her. And the King, who seems to get what he wants, all the time- well, he is the King after all- has a tragic side to him.

I discovered the etymology of “courtship” and “courting” while reading the book. I discovered the customs and traditions of day to day living in the 16th century England. What did people eat? How did they dress? How did women give birth? And how were they branded witches? I enjoyed the ride immensely and at the end of it was left feeling sorry for every character in the book and thanking my stars for having been born in the 20th century.

What did not work for me
Some language was too modern. Although Gregory, thankfully stays away from the 16th century English and writes her dialogues in faux-old English to set the tone, sometimes, the phrases seem too modern. What also did not work for me, were the gratuitous passages of intimate relations. Between Mary and the King, Anne and the King, Mary and her husband. Too much detail to the point it felt like reading a Harlequin romance novel.

Hot or Drop
Definitely Hot. I can’t really compare it to other historical fiction novels – the only other piece of historical fiction I have read is in Marathi called “Swami” and I read it almost 15 years ago. But I enjoyed this very intriguing book and I highly recommend it.

The Alchemist

Summary (Mild Spoilers)
Santiago, an Andalusian shepherd, has recurring dreams of finding a treasure in Egypt. He embarks on a journey to seek that treasure that takes him over the moors and the desert sands and he meets many spiritual advisers on the way. A fortune teller, an old man in disguise, an Englishman who is interested in Alchemy, a shop keeper who sells crystal, desert tribes’ men and warriors. And of course the alchemist. Even the sands and the camel acts as his spiritual path finders on his journey to Egypt to find his treasure a.k.a his Personal Legend. Through his adventures, Santiago makes discoveries about himself and the world and finds about the Language Of The World and the Soul Of The World.

What worked for me
The title. The title is intriguing, as is the location. Spain and North Africa conjure up mystery and certain inscrutability. Descriptions of the landscape. I enjoyed them and dreamt of jumping on a plane to see Andalusia and Algiers and even traveling in a caravan across the desert.

What did not work for me
Whatever else remains. I think the book is a bit heavy-handed. For a fable it is very long and not surprisingly redundant. I am a big fan of “show-not-tell” style of writing. This book shows very little, but tries to tell a lot. Which gives a feeling that the author is trying to dumb down the book for his readers. Also, where allegories go, there is a certain thrill in “discovering” the allegory which is completely lost here. He lays down the symbols, decodes them for you and then gives his own interpretation all nicely bundled up and tied with a pink ribbon. In my opinion, spiritual themes never go redundant. But when a book like this comes along, it gives a feeling that it is nothing more than recycled spiritual material. The thrill is in finding out the message. If it is laid out plainly, it becomes a sermon, which is what this book boils down to. Also, a good allegory, I think, is a mirror. You see yourself in the symbolism, here I saw only Santiago.

I also had problems with how Coelho defines “Personal Legend”. Is it what you are destined to do? Or deserve to do? Or eventually end up doing? What about responsibility? This book had so much potential. But the seed never quite germinated here. Coelho lays it on thick. On every page. Syrupy Spirituality. I cringed when he described in detail the meeting between a mysterious warrior on the horse in the Oasis and Santiago and ended the narration with this – “He had met the Alchemist?” I, a novice writer could have done a better job of that.

Hot Or Drop
If you like pop spirituality, then this is for you. If you think you can enjoy Richard Bach’s Jonathan Livingston Seagull, at this point in your life, read this book. I read Jonathan Livingston when I was 13 and was enamored by it. I think I will pass that book now. If you have read the Little Prince by Antione St.Exupery, definitely drop this book. The Little Prince is in a whole different league. And if you haven’t read the Little Prince and don’t think you will enjoy Jonathan Livingston Seagull at this point in your life, I would recommend heading out to the library and reading The Little Prince instead of the Alchemist. Or pick up Zen Flesh, Zen Bones. That’s a good read too.