It has been a rough week in the kingdom of DotMom. I have been down with a horrible sinusitis. It is so bad that I feel my eyeballs are going to just pop out. But, no I won’t bore you with my tales of cold and sinuses and nasal drips. I shall bore you with tales of Chip. These are not amusing tales. Far from it. These are the tales when a mother throws up her hands in the air and howls for providence to rescue her. OK. I am exaggerating here. But hey, I am a blogger.
On the issue of Chip. Chip has been out of sorts since we got back from our trip in India. And he had good excuses too – jetlag, stomach bug, cold, getting back into a boring routine. But since all that is behind us now, there are really no more excuses left as to why he is so cranky and tantrummy and most importantly, very unfriendly towards BigGeek. He refuses to let BigGeek brush his teeth, run his bath, warm his milk, put on his clothes, feed him breakfast. The first sentence out of his mouth when he wakes up is “Are you going to office?” When I reply with a yes, he insists I dress him and feed and drop him to school (which if I do, he simply clings to me and cries and refuses to let go)
Even during bedtime Chip refuses to go near BigGeek. If Chip is asleep and BigGeek happenes to stroke his forehead or give him a kiss, Chip stirs and says he doesn’t want Baba. Only Aie. Even when he is half asleep. I have tried to ignore this thinking it’s a phase. He had a very anti-Aie phase when he was about 18mo. But never this long. I am at a loss what to do. He is cranky too. All the time. There are tears for everything. Coming back home after play, asking him to finish his dinner, bathtime. I asked his teacher if he has been acting out in school and she said no. I have asked him if he is unhappy with something, but I don’t know if he can quite express it yet. Last night I asked why he doesn’t like Baba, he said it is because Baba has thorns and he pushes me. What???? The thorn bit is obviously from the times when I have asked in exasperation – “Does Baba have thorns?” And obviously Baba has never pushed him. Baba rarely yells at him. I am the stricter parent. So it’s all very perplexing and annoying. I don’t know if this is truly a phase and it will all sort itself. Or if I need to do something to help. But I don’t know what to do.
Friday, April 11, 2008
Out of sorts
Posted by Savani at Friday, April 11, 2008
Labels: everyday life
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19 comments:
Dotmom,
I can only suggest doing it the hard way - leave them alone with each other for a whole day (Sat, maybe?) Leave before Chip wakes up, so he has to deal with his dad all day. My son went through a small phase of this, but one day of only-dad worked (I had to work that weekend unexpectedly).
The crankiness I'd attribute to spring - allergies maybe? Makes anyone cranky.
M
Dottie...when he says thorns, does his mean Big Geek's stubble?
Also, was he upset/angry that BG wasn't coming with you guys to India? Did he ask for hsi father while he was there?
It makes me wonder...
I like M's suggestions.
Or...
Maybe do nothing? Just keep telling him (every time he does that) how it hurts daddy's feelings.
Or...
Tell him to sort it out with daddy himself - tell daddy why you don't want to be with him/ hug him/ touch him etc. I don't know if this will work since he is young. I do this with S whenever she is upset with J about anything. One long-term objective behind doing so is to extricate myself from the middle. I see J's mom still acting as the mediator between her sons and husbands - so much so that I think the sons haven't had a heart to heart talk about anything significant with their dad. I am not saying Chip and BigGeek are headed that way - I am just giving you my reason. I want J and S to be able to talk to each other even in my absence.
Oops! Strike the "husbands" bit - it is singular :D :D :D
Looks like it is a phase...talk to him and ask him to say more about why he doesn't want Baba. Do u think someone might have said something back in India that could have brought this about? Just thinking aloud...or may be it's just the coming back from India and missing everyone...
Tell me about it. Can't really say anything encouraging - in our house, this phase has been going on for a year now. Any time, Jai tries to do anything for him, he is told 'Mama karega. Aap jao.' (Mama will go. You go.)
And I have tried leaving the together as well but that works while I am away but it is back to status quo the minute I enter the house...
Sorry to be of no help. I guess it's just one of those 'You are not alone' comments...
Moppet was much the same way when we returned from our 2-week India trip in Feb. At first I too attributed the clinginess and extreme emotions for the smallest things to the fact that she too had picked up a stomach bug and an ear infection. But it continued long after the sickness cleared up.
It's only now getting a bit better, but the improvement is very slow. I think she was overwhelmed by the trip and unable to express it any other way. It's a phase, it really is - just hang in there...
I think its the stubble. It annoys my kids too and its the best way i have found to make the OA shave on weekends too! because that is the time he spends with them and cuddling an unshaven man is no fun.
as for not liking his father - the brat does that once in a while. maybe not for too long. but could it be that they may not be spending enough time together. he is old enough to feel upset about it and show it.
since you are working i know you must be dying to do stuff for him and husbands being the lazy louts they are - are happy to use this excuse to cop out.
i'd agree with the rest - let BG do stuff for him and you go get a pedicure - it will help distract from the sinus! anything they can do together without you?
i send the brat for a bus ride or a walk to the market with his father. they bond of gross things like chicken being cut and come home friends.
and yeah i like GTN's suggestion. get out of the middle and let them handle it. i know others might disagree but i am not gentle with the kids when they act stupid. i usually send the brat off with the OA even if he doesnt like it - because thrown together willy nilly he sorts things out.
I just remembered that S went through this stage too (Gosh! It has been so long!). We handled it by still letting J do whatever he needed to, for her. She sucked it up pretty quick when she saw this "mamma only" approach wasn't having any effect on either one of us :D
it will sweetie. I know it will. A year ago to this date V used to show this irritating behaviour towards me. You can imagine the beating my ego and maternal pride had to take. With us it was mainly becoz M travels a lot and pushing me away in some way perhaps meant that he would get more of M to himself. Or atleast thats what we told ourselves. I personally think toddlers should come with thick manuals. The man up above should just attach them to their bum or something!!
sounds like a phase.
i like m's suggestion if you're in a hurry to get it over with though.
I feel for BG dottie. BIG TIME.
Sahithi was in this phase for a long long time. She needed Dada for everything. Took a long time for me to accept it and try and figure out a way..A post coming uo on this from me..
Looks like everyone has said what there is to be said. All I can add is yes it's a phase. It's probably the leftover from the India trip. BG probably has to be firm and do things for Chip even if Chip asks for Aie.
echoing poppins.
Like Deepa, I've been at the receiving end with T1. One - I was a stay-at-home mom, two - pup traveled a lot, three - I went with T1 to India for 2 months (and Pup was there for the last 3 weeks)...When Pup reached India, T1 (then 2 yrs) wouldn't let him outta her sight! He even had to sneakily go to the restroom!! Pretty much the first 3 years of her life, i was a feeding machine (literally the first year ;)
It all changed when I started working again and she stopped taking me for granted.
All I can say is I can understand how tough and taxing it must be for both of you - emotionally for him, emotionally and physically for you...
You just have to believe it will change...and give Chip sometime. Have BigGeek distract him as much as he can with creative stories or geeky stuff ;) when getting him ready in the morning w/o giving him room to think/realize who's getting him ready.
Those were things that helped me keep my sanity! But it will change. Hang in there....
M: I hate to sneak out... I tried that once last week and both BG and Chip were fuming at me :( Spring allergies could be....
tharini: he is actually used to BBG not being around because BG had such a demanding schedule. He is more available now and I sometimes feel he is jealous because I spend more time talking/interacting with BG.
GTN: Chip can be prety brutal. but I like the idea of extricating myself. Good point. Actually Chip and BG do fine when I am not around. It's only when I am around, he ignores BG.
shobana: I don't think anyone said anything to him in India... it could be he is missing India.
rohini: exactamundo. theya re ok when I am not around. dang. Hugs to you too. For a year???? Now I am scared.
candyfloss: He does miss India and he LOVED the trip. perhaps this is his way of getting over it...
MM: They went to an office supply store yesterday and did some yardwork. the problem is if I am cooking or lying on the ouch reading and Chip wants to do pee-pee he won't let BG help him. I think he just doesn't like the idea of me delegating :)
GTN: that's what I am doing now. baba will do it for you. Even if you don't like it. Tough love.
deepa: BG does feel very sad. and perplexed because I am the stricter parent and he still doesn't as many cuddles as I do. He even bribed Chip with a lollipop yesterday. poor BG.
mona: i am soooo looking forward to getting over with this. :)
sahiti's mom: do write, do write. looking forward to reading the other side of the coin.
poppins: yeah.. he does that.. its so so trying.
choxbox: :)
gnd: hahaha. I am the feeding, dressing machine. BG is the toothbrushing machine :)
Hope things get better- just don't push to hard. He probably doesn't realise how sick you are feeling if you're going to work, I guess, plus all the other interpretations:)Hugs, and cheer up.
I was wondering if thorns refers to stubble - my son calls it cactus. And maybe he's cranky because in India he had lots of people, activity and noise around him and he's not sure how to transition back to a quiet, ordered life?
As far as not reacting well to BG -could be just a phase - Chubbocks went through an anti-me phase at some point. Maybe you should just get out of their way and let the two of them go off and do some guy stuff.
Dotmom,U will be surprised if i say "exactly the same thing happening in my house"..Remove from car seat,put back in car seat, take milk out from microwave, push cart in walmart when he sits on it ..anything u name it , my son would say "No DADA let Amma do it"..But he is fine when i am not around him and he is alone with his dad. Sometimes,my husband getz frustrated and annoyed esp when it happens in front of others..I keep telling my son..infact read lot of books for him to show how much dad loves you and keep talking abt his dad..sometimes i would tell my son" u drink the milk dad gave, i am not goin to give you..dad will only give hereafter.." and he starts crying(i feel so bad doing it)..but i really donno how to handle this..my husband travels a lot too and has a bc schedule..so itz me doing everything for him all the time..I am waiting for this phase to pass thru..
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