Thursday, December 11, 2008

Winter

I haven’t left the building. Had only been hiding, not knowing what to really say or write. I saw the Mumbai attacks on TV; was horrified and tongue tied. What could I possibly say here on this small blog without really trivializing the whole sordid deed in some way, I thought. I am no public policy pundit or a security expert or a journalist. What could I possibly say that would affect the outcome of what followed? I could not sleep for a few nights. I was jittery, perplexed, trying to internalize the whole affair through snippets of conflicting information from news sources and family back in Mumbai. Too many questions, too few answers. Too many what ifs. Too many buts. Too many too manys.

This is a winter of wrath. No doubt. Wrath of the terrorists and the wrath against them. Wrath against the blasé Indian intelligence and the flaccid politicians. Wrath against the banks of Wall Street, wrath against the foolish homeowners who bought more than they could possibly afford. Wrath against the car industry, wrath against the lost jobs. And exasperation. Like gray sky outside that casts its dreary glow everywhere, the attack, the downturn has cast a dull, depressing shadow everywhere. Holidays are almost here, but they seem so far away. The icicle lights not as bright, the holiday songs jaded and forced. Uncertainty hangs in the air like the sword of Damocles. Fear lurks around the corner, waiting to pounce on its newest, unsuspecting prey. Like the milky fog I see rising from the river I must cross twice each day, the vagueness of our times veil what lies ahead. And I wait with millions others around me wondering what I can do to lift it and ask if there is a bend ahead somewhere towards sunnier times.

13 comments:

noon said...

Beautifully said. And very true. I feel the same way. A fear deep within. Of what might suddenly change. I drove to the grocery store at 10.00 p.m. last night to get milk - on NPR - they talked about the no of people who have lost jobs, on half pay or working only half time...a woman said she was told she would loose her job pretty soon by her supervisor, she goes to her daughter's school rehearsal and hears that her own father has lost his job and then her husband says the same about his father. I can't imagine what it is like...I am afraid when I hear of these things. And feel grateful for now. Losing jobs is of course nothing compared to the loss of life. In the most horrible way. Dark feeling indeed. Just hope next year is better...

K3 said...

Oh Dottie - this so beautifully sums up some of my own fears, ones that I hate to admit but are right under the surface. I just dont knw - want to shut out all these thoughts but they dont go away just hide away for a moment only to re-surface with a vigour. hate the feeling, but now I guess its becoming a part of me - and that i hate more!

NainaAshley said...

So we all wait with the same fear in our hearts and hope and pray that may be somehow tomorrow is a better day.

Artnavy said...

very well said. . .with you in the hope for a better & clearer trow

Penguin said...

Dottie, these are the exact same thoughts I've had, but have not known how to express them. I'm one of those people who lost their jobs, but thankfully, I found another one. I know I got terribly lucky with this, but there are loads of friends who haven't been as lucky as I am. And I have no idea what to do to help them. Let's hope this winter ends soon, I really don't know what else to pray for...
PS - Sorry for the rant :-(

eve's lungs said...

Dottie - so true - Its the despair that's killing me . Together with the fear of not knowing when something might happen.And a niggling doubt that we are neasuring our life in small teaspoons .

Tharini said...

Of course there's a bend ahead, towards sunnier times. There always is. Always.

Sujatha said...

Here's to the bend.

Mamma mia! Me a mamma? said...

I hope you've found that bend...

On a different note, you'll have no trouble whatsoever finding the award for you on my blog!

Mamma mia! Me a mamma? said...

The road to the award ceremony...

http://mammamiameamamma.blogspot.com/2008/12/and-award-goes-to.html

Mama - Mia said...

all we can do is hope for better times. try and stay sensible and positive. just the way what goes up, comes down, what goes down shall bounce back!

beautifully expressed...

abha

Preethi said...

very well said Dottie.. here's to the bend!!

DotThoughts said...

noon: me too noon.. just hope next year is better

k3: these are trying times..

naina: so do I..

art: clearer, yes, definately.

penguin: good for you penguin. stick to that job now, no matter what..

eve's lungs: scary, no?

tara: yes, but I fear the cost incurred while reaching that bend.

preethi, Suj: *raises glass*

mamma: thanks! will go there right away!

abha: true!