Everything But Water

“Let’s go for a bath Chip.” I am trying to hurry Chip. It’s already past 7:00 in the evening and Chip hasn’t even had his bath. “No, I don’t want a bath Aie.” “Oh, come on. Let’s put some pink bubble bath in it today. Yes?” “No.” This has been happening for a couple of months now. Chip simply does not want baths or showers. “Don’t you want to wear your clown pajamas?” His eyes light up. “Yes. Blue clown shirt, Green clown pant.” He stretches his arms and lets me take off his stinky clothes. “Alright, Aie. I am done. Bath is over. All done.” “WHAT? You haven’t even got your foot inside the tub.” Chip crosses his arms and doesn’t budge.

I can’t believe this is happening. Chip was born with a distaste for baths. Thank god I didn’t spend a dime on the baby tub. His tub was a nice hand me down and I bought a nice sponge insert for it, but Chip, being Chip, hated it all. The whole routine. He would wince when my mom or I massaged him. Or fuss. He would cry so hard, we fell back to sponging him twice everyday. But after a couple of days, Chip stank of milk and spit-up and poopoo and the sponging plan was scrapped and daily baths with soap like a proper Indian were reinstated. Much to my mother’s relief. He was an Indian baby after all. He had to be bathed daily. Even if Chip hated them. His cries were so loud that it would be hard for my mom and me to talk to each other. And they would continue. While getting into the bath. The first several minutes. Then getting out. Then while applying lotion. Then while diapering and putting on clothes. The only time he stayed quiet was in the middle of his bath. But he would look terrified and would clench his whole body with nervous apprehension. Eventually, we ended up wrapping him in a cotton blanket before putting him in the bathtub. And that seemed to relax him. And the hairdryer. For the longest time that was our brahmastra. Set to high, the hairdryer’s whitenoise would magically calm him down. So BigGeek would follow me and my mom and Chip with the hairdryer above our heads for the entire bath routine. It looked so comical, we even repurposed a cheesy slogan for it – Raja Babu Ki Jai (from the movie Raja Babu we had watched at the time). And to prove how insane we were, we also recorded the entire drama on video. But over the months he, thankfully, grew to like his baths and by the time he was a year old, every summer evening was spent on the back lawn in the company of sprinklers. And then later with trips to the local pool.

So, when Chip started to resist baths a few months ago, I was puzzled. I simply had no energy for the “Raja Babu” time yet again, but the scatterbrained woman that I am, I never asked him what had changed. But I got the answer. Yesterday. Without asking. I convince him to get into the bathtub and he is enjoying his bath. I point to his right hand and ask what the stamp-du-jour is. The stamp he gets everyday at school is the highlight of his day. (Oh! the things preschool teachers have to come up with to amuse these kids). He looks at me in utter panic. “Oh my god Aie. My stamp will go away. Give me a towel. Wipe it quick. Wipe it! Its wet!” “Its OK Chip. You will get another one tomorrow.” I try to soothe him. “That’s why I don’t like baths. I get my hand wet and then the stamp goes away.” Ah. That’s WHY.