Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Parting Shot

It was the second time this week Chip pulled this maneuver successfully. It’s a simple tactic on the face of it. But it takes a man of undaunting sprit with a fearless desire to take on extreme challenges despite prior knowledge of dreadful consequences in its wake. Or, a two year old. The first time Chip pulled his toddler version of the shock and awe, his poor, unsuspecting grandmother was yes, shocked and indeed awed and she gave Chip a sound earful, which given her rather gentle and soft voice, did not do much do discourage Chip. So, he tried it again on his very suspecting mother last night.

The notoriously difficult to potty train Chip has been doing pretty good the past few days, and that meant mostly whispering his intent to answer the nature’s call, grown-up in earshot or not. Yesterday I was within the hearing range of the said murmur. Elated, we proceeded upstairs to “his” bathroom amidst joyous chorus of “Chip is a big boy”, “Wow. Chip just told me had to go do poo-poo” – you know the step right before you start garlanding him and lying prostrate in his path to seek blessings.

The call having been answered and the news conveyed over the (toy) phone sitting on the potty to the ‘other’ grandmom, Elmo, neighbor’s dog, the moon, the shower head, the lion on the shower curtain, his sundry friends and the new school, we were ready to wrap it up. Now, we are the green sort of people and try not to use paper where water can be used. So while I was filling ‘the’ every-desi-household-has-one plastic mug, Chip ran away. Before I realized what had happened, he was in the guest bedroom, across the hall standing on his grandmother’s bed. Panic reigned. “Get down now!” I thundered in my most ominous voice. “Now. Get down.” Chip was obviously having too much fun. I stepped into the room to grab him but like a well-oiled monkey he jumped away to the far corner of the bed and sat on his haunches. The bed a mere half an inch away from his tushie. Taking cover of the shadows, I slithered behind him and picked him up to carry him to the bathroom, but my poopy samurai would still not concede defeat. In one swift move he was back on the floor amidst my high pitched screams blurting every threat known to mankind. That had its effect. Chip froze. Time stood still. And then Chip did the unthinkable. He stuck two fingers of both his hands in the place where the sun don’t shine. Half-dragging him to the bathroom to clean him up, I said, “You are getting a swat on the bottom for this. Wait till you have washed your bottom and hands.”

Tush and hands cleaned, bottom swatted, eyes filled with tears and the tiny yet powerful voicebox emitting loud protests, I sat him down. “Why do you do these things Chip?” I asked in my most motherly voice. “Are you out of your mind?” I said tapping his head. Chip peered into the semi-darkness. Twinkle had returned to his waterlogged eyes. “Aie,” he said throwing his arms around me, plopping in my lap and tapping his own head, “Ithe batate (potatoes here).”

28 comments:

Deepa said...

awwwww! Chip sounds just like my V was a year ago at 2. But he would point to his little head and say "Aie, ithe dagad(stones)"

Love your blog posts and have been reading for a longish time now but am not great at delurking but had to today. The potty thing gets easier esp. when you hit just the "right" time. You'll be surprised how quickly you'll be done with it then. Promise!

Sue said...

Reminds me of a friend who taught her neighbour's son to point to his head whenever she asked him, "Kushal, where's your empty head?"

I guess this makes Chip Mr. Potatohead, huh?

DotMom said...

deepa: hahahaha. V sounds like a blast. thanks for the kind words about my daily butchering of this genteel language. can't you believe you enjoy it :) @potty training. when when when is the right time? I am praying at this rate he atleast is potty trained by the time he goes to college :(

sue: I did that too.. taught a toddler cousin to point to his knees when asked where is head was :) evil us!

Orchid said...

oh boy..that's one heck of a poopy story, right there!

keep them coming, girl!

noon said...

Superb post - so nicely written! Enjoyed it so much! COuld completely pic this. I have not started potty training even remotely but KB now indicates it this way - he starts playing peekaboo and hides behind the dining table or couch and then a little later casually comes and says "acky". And I tell him "OK, come let's go upstairs for diaper change". He just ruuuns upstairs - as fast as his little feel can take him and jumps into our bed and crawls across if as fast as he can to his toddler bed next to it and moves to the farthest corner where I can't reach him! He loves to make me pull him by his pants and drag him off and lift his stiff body that is resisting me so much and plop him on the changing table which is now too small for him...so I could totally relate to this post!

Mona said...

haha, am i allowed to laugh?
that was hilarious!

what language is he speaking? punjabi?

Usha said...

yeah...that's great....oops! uh, oh! waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!
Oh god!
Hehehehe....

Parul said...

heh heh...what fun awaits me, eh??

DotMom said...

orchid: hahaha. yeah, right.

noon: pooor you! god. these boys are incorrigble!

mona: yes. you may :) it's marathi.

usha: lol. I am sure you were in these shoes not so long ago.

parul: wait and watch. let Adi turn 18 mo. I suspect they do a genetic mutation at that point.

Anitha(Nikki's mom) said...

ROTFL. Poor you! I could really picture what you had written. Another 8 months, don't know what fate(Nikki) has in store for me.

upsilamba said...

That was one heck of a poopy story!

And wait, what were you telling Parul about 18 mon? My lil one is at that point now.

My great grandparents had 13 kids. Are they saints or what?!

DotMom said...

anitha: wait wait until then.. hopefully I will be done with poopy training by the time i am ready to hear your tales.

upsi: hahahaha. tell me in a month if your sweet baby grows horns and a tail :)

NainaAshley said...

LOL Potty training is hard... for the parents. Apple is going through it right now though she hasn't pulled something like this yet, she treats potty time as play time.
LOL on the 'ithe batate' ... remind me of the times when dad used to lovingly ask us ' kaande batate bharlet ka?' when we did something stupid.

dipali said...

You seem to have a fine young potato chip there! Mercifully the bedcover was saved by your timely intervention:)
I'm so happy when I read of good desis using the good old mugga!
Loved the post. And the Chipmunk will get trained too, don't worry:)

DotMom said...

naina: oh! god. no clue how kids get potty trained at one in India. @LOL at kande-batatey...my mom used to (still does) says the same thing :-)

dipali: you are back! lol. yeah.. we should start a mugga club here. glad you enjoyed the post (blush). And I pray every day that Chip grows out of his diapers. This is the last size.

Kodi's Mom said...

oh boy! what an adventure for you! and Chip is quick - quick to run and quick on the comeback! batata indeed :) what a sense of humor!! does he know of potatohead, the character?

Shobana said...

I still can't stop laughing over this one....sorry, sorry...**cracking up*** I know, I know my time will come too, but...hehehehe..

Did he do any damage to the bed spreads or did u save it on time?

Preethi said...

Hi... stumbled across your blog at the India blog site... This one is hilarious!! Ithe Batate indeed!! Chip is smart!!! I bet he had you forgiving him the swat on the bottom!!

Noodlehead said...

hahahaha...sorry but that was just too funny!! don't worry, you'll get your chance to laugh when i'll be trying to potty train bonbon. it's already giving me sleepless nights - but she DOES screw up her face when she has to go and we get a change of diaper ready. mom says to plonk her on a potty as soon as she learns to sit properly (right now, she does a leaning tower of pisa and sometimes lands on her noggin :-D)

hope the BG is well now!

DotMom said...

kodi's mom: hahaha. he never quite took to Mr.Potatohead.. dunno why?

shobana: I did, I did the samurai mom saved the bedsheets and the day :D

preethi: welcome preethi! can't believe you found my silly post hilarious! hope he did forgive me atleast until the timeout 1 hour later :)

noodlehead: I am waiting for my time noodle. The day will come bonbon will give you poopy nightmares :) but if you can do plonk her on the potty.. If not anything else, she will learn never to fear da flush :)

ddmom said...

OMG! Hilarious! I can't stop laughing.. D is potty trained you see!

mumbaigirl said...

I know he gave you a hard time-but the end was heartbreakingly sweet.

the mad momma said...

you know, no one else has said so i shall say it.. He's is so going to kill you for this post someday. never mind. I'll be in hiding when the brat reads my blog, maybe we can share a shelter.

DotMom said...

ddmom: oh you lucky girl!

mumbai girl: thanks.. he is a sweett guy..or atleast tries to be :)

mad momma: hahahaha. I thought about that. then I said, what the heck. It will be my trump card. And if he fusses too much, I'll take it down :)

Just Like That said...

Enjoyed this post sooo much! LOL! Dear little Chip Batata!

DotMom said...

JLT: thanks!

Moppet's Mom said...

Oh boy, haven't laughed so hard in ages! But you're totally going to get it when he learns to read ;-)

DotMom said...

moppet's mom: good to have you back! I know.. I am trying to keep this blog a secret from him :D